One

One.

Can you believe it? She's one.

One whole year has gone by since I welcomed her into my life. One whole year of change. One whole year of complete and utter love. One whole year of us.

Her actual birthday was pretty much a normal day. I had so much prep to do for her birthday party that I took the day off work, but Poppy still went to daycare. I took in a little cake and we had some morning tea with her kindy friends, then as she headed off for a nap, I headed off to finish off the shopping. It was no easy feat, and not a cheap one either. (I refuse to calculate how much it all cost, because I don't want to admit it to myself...)

Her birthday was on the Friday, so I had her birthday party on the Sunday at the park at the end of my street. I organised a Jumping Castle, and had about 20 kids, and 25 adults coming along to share in the fun.

And Poppy had the best time. She still amazes me at how amazing she is. She didn't throw a tantrum once. She didn't scream, didn't cry, wasn't temperamental, nothing. She loved being passed around so everyone could have a cuddle. She loved being the center of attention (quite unlike her mother!), and she had an amazing time.

The week before her birthday, my amazing Sister In Law Missy took some more photos of Poppy as part of her 1st birthday Cake Smash. I'll share them in the next entry, because they are SO ADORABLE and deserve an entry all to themselves. Plus, I have heaps of photos from her birthday party to share as well, but I'll just give you a few to have a look at.

We all had so much fun, and I'm glad it's over for another year. No more stress, no more pain, and not so broke!

Daycare make a pretty sign and put up photos for Poppy's first birthday party at Kindy

Opening presents with her friend Olivia

Not quite sure what to do on this jumping castle, but I'll give it a shot!

Okay, now I'm having fun! :)

YAY!!! Jumping around a bit more now...

Poppy's cakes. One was chocolate sponge, the other was Vanilla sponge

 Time to cut the cake!

Having a tea party with my best friends Mum and Dad, and her new Giggle Dolly

She loves balloons! She's not even frightened when they pop!

So exhausted after a long long day, she didn't even move an inch during this nap... I feel your pain bubba, I feel ya!

We had a great day, surrounded by all the people who have loved and supported us through this past year, and who I hope will be there for a long time to come. (Except for the weird old man who lives next door who just turned up out of the blue and was creeping everyone out!)

One.

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year, but what it year it has been!

Love you bubba..

xoxo

The Pity Party....

Ever get that feeling when you write something, that maybe your meaning or intention wasn't expressed quite how you wanted it to? I've not written a blog for a while, so when I start writing, I tend to just word vomit. Then a few days later I go "wait a minute, that's not what I meant.. Oh, I wanted to say this as well! Oh, and that!" and that's where I am today...

I keep re-reading over my last blog entry thinking I've missed something. I keep thinking "That's not exactly what I wanted to say, but what did I want to say?" and then, after a nice long chat today, I figured out what it was.

Pity.

When someone says to me (and I mean TO ME) "being a single Mum must be so hard, I know what you're going through..." the first thing I think is "don't pity me... I don't need your pity" And that's how I feel. I feel like once people get a feeling for being a "single" parent, they pity me and my situation, because it's hard for them.

Well, I'm telling you now, don't pity me. I don't feel pity towards myself, and neither should you. As a control freak, the life I have with Poppy is perfect for me. I make all her decisions, I'm her sole carer, I do everything for her, and it all boils down to me. I'm okay with that. I'm more than okay with that, I'm happy with that.

So when someone says that they know what I go through, because they've had a hard week on their own, or a hard few weeks, all I hear is pity in their voice. The thing is, it's THEM that I pity. Yes they may have someone to share the workload with, they may have someone else to help them out, but when things like this happen, and they're on their own, they find it harder to cope.

I likened it to the babysitting I did the other week. I had another 1 year old in the house for a few hours. I wouldn't say it was hard, because we played in the lounge and had naps, and there weren't a lot of tears. But if I had've had a hard time with it, and started saying to my friend with Twins "Oh my god, I know exactly what it feels like to have twins.. I mean I babysat another 1 year old today, and it was hard..." she would be looking at me like "um, no. Completely different situation, but thanks.." (I think she's too nice to actually say that to my face, but you know what I mean..)

I just feel as though people pity me, and pity the life I've chosen with Poppy. I guess this is just my way of saying not to pity me.

I'm doing okay. For now. Promise :)

I mean, look at us. We're amazing together...

(Can you believe it's only two weeks until she's 1????)

The Single Life

“Oh my god.. My husband went away for work for a week, and I had to do everything by myself. Being a single mum must be SO HARD. I know exactly what you go through…”

No, actually you don’t. But thank you for the sentiment.

I hear this a lot. I hear variations on this a lot more. And don’t get me wrong, it IS hard to look after a child or children when your partner is gone. Well, at least I think it is. I mean, I’ve never had a partner there in the first place, so I can’t really comment on whether it’s harder or not. And the same goes for the opposite. You’ve never been a single parent, so you don’t know if it’s harder than being with a partner or not.

It’s really hard to explain, but I haven’t seen my experience as a single mum as being “hard”. It’s been difficult at times, but I’d assume that it’s like that for every parent. I’ve never known any different, so I don’t have anything to compare it to. From day dot, I knew it was going to be just me. There’s no free baby sitting. There’s no one who can just watch my child for 5 minutes while I duck to the shops. There’s no “five more minutes” in the morning when she’s crying. There’s no “I feel sick, can you change this nappy?” Nothing. It’s all me.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a support network, but they’re not always readily available that way. My parents live half an hour away, and have children of their own at home (as Foster carers), my sisters’ family live near my parents, as does my Best Friend. I have another friend who lives in the same suburb as me, but she’s got a very busy social life, so is not always available, and I feel strange asking my non-child friends to help with child related issues. So I just deal with it all on my own. If I need to go to the shops, I have to bundle Poppy up into the car and go together.

There’s no downtime. There’s no relief in sight. There’s no help readily available.

But that doesn’t make it hard; because that’s what I’m used to. As a friend of mine on Twitter said, “It’s like being in a wheelchair for a week and telling someone in a wheelchair that you know what they go through…” Because you don’t. You have the expectation that things will be different soon. You know that things are going to change. You KNOW that someone will be coming along to help you soon. The only time I have that expectation is when I have a babysitter booked for a night out. And even then, there’s still a lot surrounding that. I still can’t have a full night out where I can get very messy and have a day to recover, because I’M the one who has to pick her up from the sitter and look after her the next day.

It’s even a different situation to single parents to have the child’s other parent in the picture. When their child goes to the other parents house every other weekend, you still get a bit of a break. A bit of a hand. Yes, sometimes it’s probably more detrimental than it’s worth, but again, still different.

I actually believe it’s harder for “partnered” parents to become a single parent for a week or two because they’re not used to the workload. They’re used to sharing the work, and they’re used to having someone there to support them. So to go from having that someone there, to suddenly having nothing can be quite difficult (I assume). As someone who has always had to do it myself, I’ve not had a comparison.

Everyone’s situation is completely different. Everyone has different obstacles in their life. Different hurdles. I don’t claim to know what it’s like to be in your situation, just like you don’t know what it’s like to be in mine.

I have a friend who has three kids: 1 teenager, and two boys under 3, and her partner is away on FIFO for 10 out of 14 days. My sister regularly flies interstate for work, and her partner often goes on one/two week trips interstate for work as well, and they have two kids. Another friend is a single mum and her ex-partner is very flippant with his visitation so might have the child one week, but not the next, and she never knows if he’s actually going to come through with the visitation or not. A woman I work with is a single mum with a teenage son and she lives with her mum who is terminally ill. So, I know that everyone’s situation is different.

Just know that I’m okay with my situation. I’m used to it. I thank you for thinking you know what I go through, but at times I do find the “comparison” offensive.

Poppy and I are a great team. I’m lucky that she’s a very easy baby (most of the time). It makes me feel like this mothering schtick is very easy; when I know for a fact it certainly isn’t with a lot of people.

Sick Days

It's been an exhausting week. Poppy hit so many milestones and we caught up with so many people.

It sure has taken its toll on me, that's for sure.

Poppy has started to revert to waking up during the night again. When we went on holidays to Melbourne, she was refusing to eat solids while we were there, so she was only drinking her bottles and what ever food off my plate that I could sneak to her. This meant she was waking up during the night demanding more bottles. Since we've returned home, it has taken a lot longer to get her out of the routine of waking during the night than I first thought. It's been over a month and she's still doing it. And it is sooooo tiring.

She usually stirs about 11:30pm and I tend to put some bonjella on a dummy and give it to her and it placates her enough to go back to sleep. (She usually hates dummy's but during the night she likes to chew on them).. Sometimes she'll wake about 3 or 4am and be screaming for a bottle. And I try to ignore her, I try to tell her to go back to sleep, I try to placate her without a bottle as much as possible, but it just doesn't work. So she ends up having a bottle in the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the morning. I'm trying not to, but when I have to get up at 7 for work, and she's screaming, and no one's sleeping, then I have to do what I need to do to get her to go back to sleep, for the greater good.

For the greater good.

Well, this week, it got too much for me. She woke me at 5am on Thursday morning, and I'd barely had 5 hours sleep; broken sleep at that; and it was compounded from a week's worth of broken sleep, and I just couldn't do it.

I messaged my boss, told him I was exhausted and wouldn't be in at work on Thursday.

I bundled Poppy up, and dropped her at the kindy by about 7:30 in the morning, came straight home, and slept.

And slept.

And slept some more.

I woke around 1pm feeling as bright as a button (and all those horrible clichés), and I used the time in the afternoon to get some shopping and some cleaning done. By the time I picked up Poppy I was feeling a lot more rested, and a lot more vibrant.

I've been trying to go to bed a lot earlier (like 10pm instead of midnight), and it's a lot harder than I first thought. The time between Poppy going to bed, and me going to bed, is the time I use to clean the house, cook, eat, and get ready for the next day. Sometimes it takes a lot longer than 2-3 hours, and before I know it, it's midnight and I'm kicking myself because I have to be up in 6 hours, that is IF Poppy doesn't wake me multiple times before then.

Sometimes it's just really hard doing this on your own. ALL on your own. There's no "weekends with Dad", there's no other person to get up to her during the night; there's just me.

Sometimes, you just need a sick day to recoup.

The week that was...

It's been a VERY big week here in our tiny little household!! So many things have happened, and we have been very social little creatures.

We've hit quite a few milestones this week. I was always told that once you hit one, they all just starting rolling in. And it's true.

On Tuesday, my friend Teagan was over and we were watching TV, when clear as a bell, we heard Poppy say "Hello!" We were very shocked!! I tried to get her saying it on video, but this was the best I could get... (yes it's really dark, but it's the sound you want anyway...)

She of course vomited on the bed right when the video ended, hence why I am laughing so hard. They were fresh sheets and everything!

Then on Wednesday, my best friend Donna came over for our weekly catch up. I told her about Poppy's first word and I went about making some dinner. Poppy was playing on the floor with her toys, until she discovered that I had something more fun on the otherside of the baby gate in the kitchen with me. So, she started crawling towards the kitchen.

Yes. Crawling.

You see, up until now, she's only been doing that little commando crawling thing, where she pulls herself along with one arm and slides along the floor. She started putting her feet into it, but never getting up to actually crawl. So this was the first time I'd seen her ACTUALLY crawl.

This was the best I could get on video of her...

Thursday was a bit of a stressful day for me. I had bought a voucher for a cut, colour, treatment and manicure at a local hair salon, and had finally been able to book in for this Thursday. I wasn't aware that this was their busiest day of the week. If I had've known, I wouldn't have booked at that time. I turn up at 3pm for what was to be a 2 hour appointment. Poppy's daycare closes at 6:30, but I don't like to leave her there that late, so I was hoping to be there by 5:30 at the latest to pick her up. Cue the worst hair appointment I've ever had. It took the stylist 90 minutes to colour my hair. She put the dye on my roots first up, then continued on with the two other clients she had in other chairs while I sat there for nearly 80 minutes waiting.. Finally she gets the apprentice to put dye through the rest of my hair, then let me sit for 20 more minutes before moving to have it washed out. It was 5pm by this stage, I'd been sitting in the same seat for 2 hours, and had ONLY had my hair coloured. I told the apprentice not to leave the treatment in too long because I didn't have time and I needed to leave soon. I was taken back to my seat and waited for the stylist to eventually get to me. It was the fastest trim I've ever had, and she didn't put the layers in like I asked, and I wasn't in any mood to argue because I was running very late. I still needed my nails done too. I was told it would take 15 minutes tops. Which would mean I would get out of there by 5:45, and make it to the kindy by 6. BUT they had the apprentice do my nails and she was excruciatingly slow. I skipped the hand scrub and hand mask and opted for a plain colour no top coat, and it still took half an hour. Then the second I stood up, I'd already ruined a nail because I didn't have time to let it dry properly. I was supposed to pay and extra $20 for the length, but the owner told me not to worry about it because I'd been there "all day". "See you next time!" she shouted after me as I left. Like HELL you'll see me again!! The point of those vouchers is to drum up more business, but in the end, it didn't work with me. And I was really hoping to find a new salon in my area. No such luck this time...

Friday was a social day for us. We met up with a Mum from my mothers group and her little girl for lunch... As I'm still on a carb-cut-out eating plan (NOT A DIET!!) I didn't have many options for lunch. So we just chatted and let the girls have a bit of a play... Friday night we caught up with my other besty Kate and went to dinner at an Italian restaurant. SO HARD not to eat carbs at an Italian restaurant, but I did very well. Poor Poppy started chocking on one of the wedges, and then started screaming in the middle of the restaurant. She's never done that before, and I felt like the worst person in the world when she was screaming! But she was all good, and I did pretty well only eating three (or four?) of the wedges on my plate and leaving the rest. It was hard, but I did it.

On Saturday we caught up with my old school friend Belinda and her daughter Marlie.. Marlie is older than Poppy by about 7 months, but she loves seeing "the baby" when Poppy comes over... Marlie will be a big sister soon, so Belinda likes to see how she reacts around other babies... After the girls went to sleep we were able to watch a movie and have adult talks. It's really hard to have adult talks these days, and I cherish every second I get to have them! There's only so much I can say about Poppy all the time. (I lie, I could talk no stop about her, but I know it gets old very fast...)

Yesterday, we were supposed to go and visit Ahma and Bapa for Sunday dinner, but Ahma had fallen ill, and so had one of the children that lives with her, so I thought it best to keep Poppy home so she didn't get sick as well. Instead we spent the day playing on the floor and having a LOT of fun. I did all the washing and Poppy helped me fold her nappies. Actually, no, she didn't. She helped to throw them around the lounge after I left some on the floor. I will never learn.

Then, as we were watching a bit of TV, I look over, and I catch this....

Yes, that is right. That's her STANDING UP to reach ontop of the stool. And she did that all by herself. Mum asked me if I placed her there, and I had to reassure her that I didn't (I've tried in the past,but she clams up her feet and bends her knees...) Yet here she is, standing up on her tippy toes, trying to reach the talcum powder bottle that I put up there out of her reach. I've finally discovered now that NOTHING is out of her reach. Time to do more re-arranging in the house!

So as you can see, we've had a very busy and very exhausting week.  First word, first time properly crawling, and first time standing up on furniture. As they say, the milestones will be rolling by now. We have our 9 month check up at the child health nurse next week, and I can't wait to share all her milestones! Not bad for a premmie baby hey? :)

One last picture, just to show you how exhausting it has been....

Naw, tired little baby falling asleep drinking her bottle...

Goodnight! xoxo

"Hello!"

Last night, I had my friend Teagan over, and we were catching up on the latest episodes of Breaking Bad before it's hiatus till next year.. I cooked us a lovely salmon steak and some salad for dinner, and we settled in on the couch for a few hours.. At the beginning, Poppy was still awake, and I was trying to tire her out before I put her to bed...

She was fussing over her bottle, was trying to be centre of attention, and just wanted to play with all her toys on the floor... When she FINALLY finished her bottle, she was making a lot of noise, and Teagan and I couldn't hear the TV properly, so I picked her up, and bounced her on my knee for a few minutes and was talking to her quietly, keeping her occupied.. Multi-tasking I like to call it! She was happy and content, then out of no where (and during a quiet bit in the episode), clear as day, we both hear it.

"Hello"

I stared, open mouthed at my baby. At my NINE AND A HALF MONTH OLD BABY. Teagan looked at me mouth agape, and asked "Did I just hear what I think I heard?" I almost screamed "She said Hello!!!" I looked at Poppy, huge grin on my face, and said "HELLO!" back to her, and she did this super smile, then shyly burrowed into me... I kept saying hello, then I heard her say it again! Not as clear, but it was hello! Or yellow. Or L.O. Or Hell No. No, it was definitely hello!

Her first word. It wasn't Mama, it wasn't Dada (thank goodness!), it was Hello. Hello.Wow, I still can't quite believe it.

But there you have it. 7pm, Tuesday the 4th of September 2012, my 9&1/2 month old baby girl Poppy said her first word.

And it was Hello.

HELLO!!!!!

2012 Daycare Photo

I'm in the middle of a few posts at the moment, but I just HAD to post this gorgeous picture of Poppy's daycare photos.

She was the cutest in her whole class, but that's just my opinion!!